busy hands

A pink sky over all of San Francisco a few nights ago.

I'm all about two things right now, if you haven't noticed. Eggs and donuts. I'm really into both of them. Compelled to make the piñata eggs, obsessed with the donut pan project. It feels great to be making things that people like. I sort of thrive on the nice feedback.

I have always known that the act of whatever I am making is equally as important to me as the meaning behind it. That's just the way I'm wired. When I was painting, it wasn't the subject matter that moved me so much as the getting up at 2:00 a.m. almost every single morning and brewing some coffee (back then I did single drip with a coffee filter, a rubber band and an empty glass prayer candle), smoking cigarettes and painting until it was time to shower and go to work. It was the twice-a-month 4:00 a.m. van trips to the S.F. Flower Mart with a friend of a friend to get the freshest delphiniums to draw. Thinking of that solitude in the deep depths of morning (during which I was recovering from a very sorrowful event in my life) still makes my heart palpitate. Over fourteen months of this. Was it the delphiniums? No, it was the ritual and the feeling of applying paint. They physical act of my special technique.

Detail, Delphinium I, 2000.

I've been looking for something for years and years that might feel that way again. Last year I was intensively making burlesque costumes, which was fabulous, but different. I thought I'd eventually pick up a paintbrush again. I've had plenty of opportunities and a little time to dabble, but because I can't go all-in right now it hasn't worked out.

The eggs and donuts have, though. And they are done in a day usually, giving me almost instant gratification. That's what I have time for these days.

But now I'm behind here. Where are all the photos from the rest of our East Coast vacation? Where are the photos from Stella's first day of school and Oliver's third birthday? I find I'm asking myself lately what it is I want to do here. I mostly want to talk about visual things now, about what I'm making, and less about what we're doing. The problem is, this has been our family photo album and scrap book for over a year. Do I abandon this because I've found something to do with my hands? Can I reconcile the two here?

Just something I've been thinking about. Probably working its way into something I haven't even thought of yet.

I hope you have a great weekend. Thanks for listening! xoxo