Beauty. I have been writing a post for next week on outward, superficial beauty. "Fresh Summer Looks", to be exact. This is a tough one. I've been hiding under the glare of burlesque spotlights, behind the computer's blurry Photo Booth glow, beneath lots of under-eye concealer (which isn't really cutting it). When did my hands wrinkle like the hands of someone fifteen years older than me? When did I get ten thousand more freckles? All this time I've been freaking out about my size, three years postpartum and not fitting into anything. I should've been paying attention to everything else.
I feel "beautiful", or one of its myriad shades, every day. But when you stare back at yourself after taking hundreds of self-portraits, that gets lost. I am not sure how far-reaching this upcoming post will be, but there is a chance it will reach more readers than usual, which makes me nervous. So nervous that I ran the photos through filters, which feels pretty dishonest to me. I can't help myself though. I'm starting to understand those magazine covers now, which I have always been so, so against. It's sad. It comes down to fear of ridicule. Would I like to make a stand and show the sponsor and whoever reads the post that overweight forty two year old women with tons of freckles and a good amount of wrinkles can be beautiful? Yes, sure. BUT, I've got to test the water first. And, not every freckle actually is beautiful, if you know what I mean.
Of course there plain old self-consciousness, and the worry of being called out on my "duck lips". Lord knows I try to fight them, but my mouth looks better to me closed. I try to pick the least offensive shots, but it's tough.
There is one positive thing I've discovered while doing this exercise. I have found that if I take a set of photos of myself, look at them, and then put them away, they all look MUCH better when I look at them the next day. This has been pretty consistent over the last few weeks. Analyze that.
In closing, I am as superficial as the next person, and ALWAYS WEAR SUNSCREEN, even on your hands.
Have a great weekend, friends. Stella's summer vacation (post camp) officially begins today at 3:00 p.m., and I cannot wait!
Have a wonderful summer Tiffanie. Beginning today.
ReplyDeleteI love that first photo, and remember, smiling is the best accessory .(:
Hi LT. You're right. Whenever I am faced with a bunch of photos to choose from, even if I don't like the ones I'm smiling in, I know they will be better received than the serious-faced ones! The photo is the nasturtiums from our gutter garden. They replace themselves within a few days of picking. Weeds!
DeleteYou are exceptionally beautiful Tiffanie!
ReplyDeleteYou are exceptionally kind, Ann! And I am exceptionally edited. Speaking of all of this, I was hoping to see your photo as your new twitter avatar, but alas you just gave the animated one a new 'do! :)
DeleteThis post is beautiful Tiffanie (& so are you). I'm shocked at my hands lately too, I blame instagram. I suddenly notice how old my hands have gotten when I take shots to share my jewelry. And don't get me started on my age spots (years and years of hot hot sun on the tennis court, you can't wear a full hat unless you don't care if you can see the ball on an overhead or serve, just a baseball cap so we all end up with lovely brown spots on our profiles).
ReplyDeleteTurning 40 something is hard...weight gain is hard. We say the outward doesn't matter but how we feel about it definitely does matter.
Btw, I gave up on concealer. I figured out makeup (for me in humid Hawaii) brings more attention to my wrinkles, not much "concealing" going on, more like look at this wrinkle with all this makeup in it. I apply foundation pretty sparingly too. Of course I'm not under bright lights as you are :-)
Thank you for your thoughtful note, Tania. I can just imagine how hard it is to get out of the sun in Maui. The few days it's really blasting here scare me to death.
DeleteI have been starting to look around for role models for the next phase of my life. I have to stop looking at these adorable bloggers, shopgirls and Etsy craftswomen for my aesthetic inspiration and start looking at who I can try to be by the time I'm fifty. I was watching the season finale of Mad Men last night, and Julia Ormond is a great one. I didn't think "look how old she's gotten", I just thought "who is this glorious older woman". I've got a ways to go to get there, but that's my new goal. "Glorious older woman". One day!
Oh and yes, one more thing. You don't have duck lips. You have lips that other women spend thousands trying to get...lip plumpers are a huge business in the beauty world.
ReplyDeleteI know, but I do still push 'em out the slightest bit. My husband loves my face when I sincerely laugh and smile. Me, not so much!
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